Decompression.

There comes a time in committed travels when one needs to stop, breathe, take it all, process, and decompress.  I'm at that point.  Don't get me wrong- I'm not so stressed out that I can't fathom being here any longer.  Rather, it's the complete opposite.  

When you pour your heart and soul into a cause, and you're open to anything and everything, and you engage genuinely with every single individual you meet, you can quickly become emotionally, physically, and mentally spent.  And if you're not careful and honest with yourself that you've reached that threshold, it can be dangerous for your state of mind while embarking on a mission, or journey, if you will.  I did not fully recognize it when I was in Africa and the senses were exhausted by different sights, like AIDS-infected orphans, witnessing the states of fear and anxiety by those who dared to enter a clinic to be tested, the fact that in the village in which I stayed for about 3 weeks, the rape rate was ~83%.  We had intense seminars, always meeting new people, traveling in large crowds, traveling greater distances, staying in new places and adjusting over and over again.

For Nepal, it's the senses that are always engaged, but differently.  The jet lag is a tougher one to adjust to, so many of us are automatically up around 4am, no matter how late we go to bed.  We meet at 8am for breakfast to begin our day, and afterwards, off to the NELTA office we go!  We start our morning with a very mentally-strenuous language lesson that lasts for two hours and then we transition into more briefings, we travel further, meet new people, but the sights of Kathmandu are full of kind, very curious Nepalis who are eager to welcome you with a 'Namaste'!  

The traffic is another sight, which can wear you out just through observation.  The rules of traffic?  There are none and Kathmandu is so crowded and populated.  There are no traffic lights, and even though there are a few white lines on the road, no one adheres to their parameters.  Bicycles, motorcycles, micro-buses, full-sized buses, cars, rickshaws, and pedestrians all, somehow, manage to continue towards their destinations, somehow avoiding getting hit, getting into accidents (thus far), and will not hesitate to let you know they are coming by a constant warning of the horn.  There are really no street signs, except every now and then a sign that tells you that you cannot turn left or right, but other than that, nothing.  As Kathmandu and other districts are going through a major two-year project of widening the roads, the pollution is insane!  Dust and exhaust fill the air and many have resorted to wearing face masks as a health conscious attempt to protect their lungs.  Yesterday, while traveling to Lalitpur, the dust was so intense, while in the micro-bus, that I was gritting dirt in my teeth.  My eyes were filled with dust and just a flush of Visine that evening burned, but re-hydrated my eyes and I could sleep without them burning.

Even the intense anticipation of what is to come for the teaching part of this volunteerism is kind of anxiety-filled.  Perhaps it's my own obsessive-compulsive organization and innate desire to know my expectations so that, not only will I meet them, but hopefully exceed them to the best that I can serve within my short stay here.  What I need to realize is that I won't know until I arrive.  The unknown for a compulsive planner can be unnerving.  As a teacher back in the states,who spends much time on attending the needs of my students, preparing, studying, grading, etc., it's a different twist here.  The teachers simply don't plan their lessons.  They show up and work out of an assignment book and that's it.  This has significantly impacted the quality of education, which is what NELTA seeks to change at every level, raising the sustainability levels of education and the Nepali peoples.  For a country that works six days a week, mandates 210 days of school for students, it is obvious that something has to significantly change if Nepal hopes to raise their overall living standards for all citizens with intentions of becoming a strong global participant in this ever-growing globalized world.  

I see how hard the Nepalese communities work, and six days at that.  I think of how many Americans seek less hours, less efforts, more money, and more vacation time.  Purchasing six kurthas, three pairs of pants that match the kurthas, I paid about $100.  The exchange rate is about $1- 100 Rupaya. The kurthas are beautifully-crafted cloths that can easily run for $50, $60- some dollars each and it was no big deal to afford them as much as I despise shopping.  I wondered how long it would take the common Nepali to earn just that amount.  It's a gut check on how fortunate our country is and how we must be so careful to restore its integrity, its higher standards of living, its freedoms.  We cannot take it for granted and we must take care of each other.  The Nepali communities exhibit such care and concern as if the whole country is one big family.  My greatest fear is that I will return to the states to encounter snobbery, cold stares, the entitlement that everyone was somehow privy to just for being alive, the individualized society that I never feel like I belong in, and a lack of concern for the well-being of others.  It's become all too epidemic and if we don't return to a similar concept, like Nepal's, we will surely fall.

So as I sit alone in the hotel cafe, sipping four cups of Nepali tea, indulging in a delicious plate of rice with garlic chicken soup on top, I contemplate, I reflect, and I try to fully grasp my service to Nepal, my role in my own country, and try to continue to discover who I am through these committed efforts and incredibly special encounters.  Sometimes we all need to take a little break, sit back, and look at the bigger picture.  And it's in these times where, if we really do see with our eyes, feel with our hearts, empathize with those who struggle more than we do, embrace an appreciation for those who strive to the be the best they can be whether it's a leader of some sort, a pauper, a laborer, a student, we allow ourselves to grow and prepare for the possibilities; it's then, and only then that we can honestly say that we live an amazing life, a true gift provided us, and never have any regrets.